The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
