What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
