I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
