i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
