I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
