I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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