I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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