my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
