we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
