Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
