I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
