Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
