if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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