You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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