I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
