this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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