Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
