we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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