Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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