He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize