Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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