I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
