Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
