Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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