New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
They took my balls.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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