today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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