He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
