You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
