Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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