Define "chronic" masturbator.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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