She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
