Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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