I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
