I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
