she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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