we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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