Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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