I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
