MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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