Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
