she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
