so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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