We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
