U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize