where am i from again
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
