Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize