totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
