oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
How does one acquire holy water?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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