Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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