I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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