You're my little dorito
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize