Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
