Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
