I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
