I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she was so not down for the gang bang
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
