I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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