OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
