Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize