i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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