dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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