I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
