i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
