don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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