you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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