Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
