when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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