What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
