took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
