i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
