why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
