i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
