How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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