Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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