I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
