Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
