In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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