they need to just BURY HIM!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
pop tarts are not kleenex
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
