Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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