Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
