He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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